Problems and conflict arise wherever you are whether you are a christian or not. from big matters to petty things, we are not exempt on these troubles, sometimes in the home, in marriages, in the office and even at the church.Thus, only by sound scriptural principles we turn to when we found ourselves face with one. It is important to know key principles in handling conflict and how to resolve them. James 4 expressly guides us in theses areas in how to deal with conflicts in biblial perspectives.

James asked this question in the beginning of James 4, and answers it right away with the following verse."Don't they come from the desire that battle within you? Here, also we can see Jesus teaching on Matt15:19" Out of the heart comes evil thouhts, murder, adultery,sexual immorality, false testimony,slander",  The heart is the wellspring, the soure of al our conflicts.

Here, we see the root cause of conflict. We have a desire from our hearts, and if this is not met, we become dissatisfied and resentful which this will lead to more desire which now controls us and we begin to fight to get it, even condemning any person that might stand in the way. Desire has now become an idol. Sin sets in and breeds idolatry.

The Peacemaker book by Ken Sande expresses this in progression.

I desire..

I demand..

I judge..

I punish..

Let us now see each one:

I Desire..conflict starts with  this. There is nothing wrong with desire per se.Desiring quite and peace,a more loving wife, a new car or computer,a promotion, a growing church..these desires are good. it's okay to seek them and want them. But some desires are not like venageance.lust, greed, etc. These are plain sinful heart desires, iconceives from the heart, and when full bloom, gives birth to death.

Sometimes, someone can block this desire and we become resentful to that person. But what if the person is your spouse, your employer,your brethren, your longtime friend or even your pastor? It's not easy to forseka these realtionships. It's not easy to forsake them. We an choose to response either to trust God, then  pray for that person and to use this difficult situation to mold you in Christ-likeness. ( it's sometimes hard and it takes a lot of grace from the Lord, but this is the biblical way). The other way that we respond and we often follow is by fighting to achieve that desire.We become bitter, disappointed and this now sets the course to destroy important relationships and draws us away from God..if it continues, it spiral down now to..

I Demand....unmet desires burrows deeper into our hearts and we begin to legitimize our desires. We justify it. Examples are:" I deserve this promotion, I work so hard", or " I want my wife to be more loving to me since God commands it", or "God made me a pastor or ministry head, peopl should respect me", or " He is my  pastor, he should visit me in hospital daily", etc. There is an element of truth in each one, butsometimes these valid desires are not met and it has become quite important to us and our happiness and fulfillment that desire has become a demand. In biblical ters, it has become an IDOL.

Idol is anything apart from God that we depend on to be happy or fulfilled, something that we sets our hearts on other than GOD.(Luke12:29, 1ICor10:19), it motivates us(1Cor4:5),it masters and rules us(Isa42:17, Matt6:24,Luke 12:4-5). It's a false god, a finctional god. Every sicncere christian sometimes struggles with this idol. We may faitfully serve and worship God but we allow other influence to master and rule us.

Idols can arise from good desires as well as wicked desires.It is often not what we want that is the problem, btu that we want it too much. Examples, it is okay to want to have a passionate sexual relationship with your wife, it is not wrong for a pastor to want respect from your deacons or for an employer to want diligent staff.these desires are reasonable and goo but if they turn into demands in order to be satisfied and fulfilled,and cause of bitterness and resentment if unmet, it is idolatry.

Helpful discerning questions can x-ray you from good desire turning into a sinful demand:

>What am i most preocuoied most when i wake up and at night/

>Rhat  do I want at all cost to preserve and avoid?

> Where do i put my trust most?

>How would I answer the questin"If only___, then I would be happy,fulfilled and secure?"

>Is there somehting i desire too much that i am willing to disappoint and hurt others in order to have it?

As we asks these ,be aware that we can often struggle to legitimize aand justify our desires, it's a mixed fallen world and we will never have entirely pure hearts.But it is never an excuse to let selfish desires rule us.And it a good desire now grows into an all consuming demand...we spiral down to..

I Judge...when we fail to satisfy our desire, we judge other people, we condemn them with our hearts and criticize.It is not wrong to evaluate with certain limits and scriptue tell us to observe and evaluate others' behavior so that we can respond and minister to them in approriate ways, even loving ways. Matt7:1-5.

We cross the line only when we sinfully judge others by feeling of superiority, indignationcondemnation and bitterness. We speculate on their motives which reveals the absence of genuie love and concern to others. Our judging has cross the line aand we are playing god.

If we are not careful, our judging them inour hearts can heightened the intensity of conflict and results in...

I Punish....Idols demands sacrifices, someone should suffer if  demands are not satisfied.It can take many forms, like lashing out words to inflict pain like a knife. withdrawal of relationships is common way. witholding physical affection, acting gloomu or sad,etc.

James 4:1-3 teaches, inflicting pain on others is the surest signs that an idol is ruling our hearts. When we catch ourselves punishing others in any way, it is a warning that something other than Gos is ruling our hearts.

Next article, we will tackle the CURE for an Idolatrous Heart.

God bless you all.